Lasagna

Today is better! I'm starting to feel good again. I can honestly say that I attribute a lot of my progress lately to my exploration of Buddhism- learning to let go of my past and my stresses about the future to live in the moment. At the same time, I'm learning to be a good person again. I want to be someone that people can depend on and trust. I want to literally do good for other people's lives. This will require me to be more generous, honest and positive. I need to completely change my view on the world, and how I occupy my place in the world. I need to forgive, move on, and love again. Every moment that I have is a beautiful miracle. I need to be more aware of that.

My mother and I have made progress from the fight we go into yesterday. I think she's going to let me explore who I truly am, more freely. On the same note, I'm going to work on offering my help more freely to her. Hopefully this will make us both happier and create a stronger sense of unity within our family.

No such progress on my Dad. I'm working on letting go of my anger and (for lack of a better word) hatred for him. To harbor these feelings is not healthy, so I need to let go. I need to let go of a lot of the people who have hurt me in the past (an also the people who I have hurt). Everything is fleeting. I need to recognize that.

Boy Meets World plays on MTV2 now :) finally, something actually worthwhile on that horrible channel.

I started reading The Hunger Games last night. So far it's pretty great and it gets raving reviews from everyone I ask about it. Another thing I would like to do is to begin reading for pleasure again. I used to find so much joy in reading, but I've seemed to have lost that quality of my character over the past year or so. Hopefully I'm just out of the habit, and not disconnected from the activity all together. 

I had some delicious lasagna last night. Great food truly is a form of art.

Even though I've been surrounded with conflict lately (both internally and externally), I can't help but be happy and immensely grateful for what I have in my life. Things are great. Life is beautiful. I am healthy, fulfilled, have a wonderful and supportive family (for the most part) and some close and very dear friends. I have a warm bed to sleep in at night, a working vehicle, a job, and the acquisition of basic resources such as food and water has never been questionable to be. I feel safe. I am not abused. I am truly blessed. And while I may be scarred and wounded, bleeding out pain, frustration, anxiety and confusion, I am blessed.

I'm starting an internal revolution. Get ready. Cover your eyes and hold my hand.